Mar 8 2014
I want to get deeper into my mind, to remove obstacles by getting in touch with and expressing feelings. It seems to me that when I don’t express these emotions, they act as lids, sealing off a part of my mind and diminishing my life.
Actually, I’m afraid a hell of a lot, of which I am embarrassed and ashamed. I don’t even want to admit it to myself, so I try to keep it together on the outside and lose myself doing various tasks.
Mar 8 2014
Inspiration has always been a mystery to me, well that was until recently! I had often heard people talk about how they were inspired to do this, that, and the other thing, and when I questioned them about it they said, “Well, it’s just sort of a feeling.” So after questions and answers like that, I was still clueless as to whether or not I was being inspired to do things, or I was just doing them because Spirit’s Voice was suggesting that it was the best course of action for that time.
Feb 20 2014
I finally have to look at it—my grievance against other people for not loving me, as indicated by their not reaching out to me and granting me happiness. Deep down I have believed I am unworthy of love. My beliefs are causative, with the power to dictate each decision I make. I have set up (projected) moment-after-perceived-moment of actions and non-actions of others to prove that they didn’t really love me. I was the face of innocence, the poor victim. Others made me become defensive and withdrawn.
Feb 17 2014
Ever since arriving in community the idea of concepts has been playing on my mind. So I looked up Google for the meaning of concepts and in part, what stood out, is:
Feb 14 2014
February 11 We just had a five-hour expression session here at the Extension Center, including a call with Armelle. What was coming up for me was my grievance against Colin. I often felt irritation at his lengthy emotional expressions. Today his loud train of words directed at me seemed definitely “off” and I felt angry. I said I saw him being dominating and controlling, that he was motivated by the desire to always be right, that he seemed to relish jumping on someone and taking bone-cutting shears to their chests, making them wrong in the feeling department and then “fixing” them. He replied with something and I really got into it, with strong, direct language, using the f-word and hand gestures for emphasis.
Apr 10 2014
There Is JOY in JOYning
Hi Everyone,
I have been experiencing the exquisite joy of opening up and joining deeply with my brothers lately. I have also noticed how excruciating it is when I withhold anything.