Apr 10 2014
I have been experiencing the exquisite joy of opening up and joining deeply with my brothers lately. I have also noticed how excruciating it is when I withhold anything.
Mar 8 2014
I want to get deeper into my mind, to remove obstacles by getting in touch with and expressing feelings. It seems to me that when I don’t express these emotions, they act as lids, sealing off a part of my mind and diminishing my life.
Actually, I’m afraid a hell of a lot, of which I am embarrassed and ashamed. I don’t even want to admit it to myself, so I try to keep it together on the outside and lose myself doing various tasks.
Mar 8 2014
Inspiration has always been a mystery to me, well that was until recently! I had often heard people talk about how they were inspired to do this, that, and the other thing, and when I questioned them about it they said, “Well, it’s just sort of a feeling.” So after questions and answers like that, I was still clueless as to whether or not I was being inspired to do things, or I was just doing them because Spirit’s Voice was suggesting that it was the best course of action for that time.
Feb 20 2014
I finally have to look at it—my grievance against other people for not loving me, as indicated by their not reaching out to me and granting me happiness. Deep down I have believed I am unworthy of love. My beliefs are causative, with the power to dictate each decision I make. I have set up (projected) moment-after-perceived-moment of actions and non-actions of others to prove that they didn’t really love me. I was the face of innocence, the poor victim. Others made me become defensive and withdrawn.
Feb 14 2014
We just had a five-hour expression session here at the Extension Center, including a call with Armelle. What was coming up for me was my grievance against Colin. I often felt irritation at his lengthy emotional expressions. Today his loud train of words directed at me seemed definitely “off” and I felt angry. I said I saw him being dominating and controlling, that he was motivated by the desire to always be right, that he seemed to relish jumping on someone and taking bone-cutting shears to their chests, making them wrong in the feeling department and then “fixing” them. He replied with something and I really got into it, with strong, direct language, using the f-word and hand gestures for emphasis.