Mar 8 2014
I want to get deeper into my mind, to remove obstacles by getting in touch with and expressing feelings. It seems to me that when I don’t express these emotions, they act as lids, sealing off a part of my mind and diminishing my life.
Actually, I’m afraid a hell of a lot, of which I am embarrassed and ashamed. I don’t even want to admit it to myself, so I try to keep it together on the outside and lose myself doing various tasks.
This morning I ran into a computer problem while trying to carry out a direction that didn’t make sense to me in the first place. I made several futile attempts to fix the software issue and then paused to observe my mind. I was upset. I recognized a need for help, for a more comprehensive solution than a technical one.
My ego reacted: Hey, I can do this by myself, I need to do this by myself. Don’t bother other people who are busy and who will see your request for help as showing your stupidity, as a sign you’re not spiritually advanced.
I decided, to hell with those fearful thoughts, and went to find Jutta.
There she was, welcoming. I told her what was going on and my feelings about it. I felt heard by her and not judged. In the gentle silence I didn’t need to be fixed. I hadn’t done anything wrong. I didn’t need to understand the purpose of the direction in order to carry it out. My upset just needed to be shared and raised up to the light of Spirit.
It’s gone! I’m free and at peace in my mind now. That’s all I ever wanted.
I want the peace of God now, in this moment. And in this moment.