Jul 1 2013
I’ve noticed a desire to understand the metaphysics and concepts from ACIM and David Hoffmeister. Not surprisingly, Ricki, the new steward, asked me to hold an open Course group for the team and community here on Monday nights. She said that this is for me and that I can bring to the group what I need to learn. She encouraged me to share what I am going through, and that it is all for healing the mind. I joined with Peter to see what would be inspiring for the two of us to share. Prayer has been mentioned a lot lately, and as it turned out Peter and I haven’t read The Song of Prayer. Perfect combination. Peter played a couple of clips; one was of David Hoffmeister “What is Prayer and Desire?,” and the other The Song of Prayer Introduction. David explains that a word which is synonymous with prayer is desire. So it flowed that there was a prayer to learn more about desire, or a desire to learn more about prayer. The group immediately launched into a meditative sharing which flowed through the evening. The night was filled with a lovely reverence and remembrance for our true Father. Through the reading of the Song of Prayer I felt a deep shift in my mind, feeling love pour through.
This is what came through, when I sat down to write just after the session:
The level of fear I’ve been holding onto these past months has been paralyzing. I’ve shared, and I’ve stuffed, and I’ve cried, and I’ve laughed about this fear for so long it has became my identity. It has been a part of my personal identity all along, and still it feels there is more to uncover. Who would I be without it? I didn’t and don’t know what to do, but something feels like it’s shifted ever so slightly. I’m not sure, but for a moment a weighted veil lifted from my cloudy mind, and I’ve been able to peek through the cloud to the Light beyond. I feel a suffocating cloud creeps in, and I’m starting to feel this cloud has been there for a while. I’m just now getting a chance to experience it. I’m seeing these old familiar self concepts popping up into my awareness. It’s like an old, ugly blanket I’ve wrapped around me. I’d guess they are acting as a defense against the Truth, and possibly creating this cloud.
During the Course group I discovered that I don’t even need to believe in God to be on this path because I am a part of God. How is this possible? Every time I think I need to do something I’m reminded that I don’t need to do anything and that Spirit’s got it. All I have to do is pray or know what my heart’s desire is and God will show me the way to Him. It feels deep to learn that I don’t need to learn anything. How can something so perfect and true be so close at hand? I can experience such miracles and yet I still find myself distracted. I mean come on, Love is all around and this little ‘i’ wants to hold onto dreams and maintain a pathetic existence. I don’t get it. I can be Living with Christ’s Love in my heart and I choose littleness. It’s ridiculous. Why or how can I be so confused in my desires? It’s disheartening and I feel scared to be seeing all this old stuff floating through awareness. I feel scared to share all of this old stuff. Everyday I feel Spirit showing me the blocks to love, and I feel blessed because it is what I’ve secretly desired my whole life; to be happy. I see Spirit holding me the whole way with gentleness and ease. The path is tight, but the innocence is right there to meet me when I feel darkness. David has said that we will not be hurled into awakening, and that there are steps on the ladder of prayer. I want to rest in this and fully trust this process. Prayer is about acknowledging the Truth about my Source; God.