Sep 23 2013
These past few weeks have been nothing short of miraculous… there’s been joy, fear, laughter, tears, fury, ease, irritation and gentleness. Overall, I’ve been receiving more love than I could have ever imagined possible, and yet I know there is so much more I am still unable to let flow through and to me. Deep seeded unworthiness keeps coming up for me and it seems so abstract, as does the intense fear that comes with it. There is much forgiveness to be done, but I must take it a step at a time, even though I know I could finish it all in just one seemingly big step. I know I’m making this road longer than it has to be, but I guess it just has to be a little longer for me, so I can get used to this love again and not run from it in fear of being deleted by it from the universe once I let go into it. I fear disappearing, I fear death, I fear the love still because it just seems as if “me” would stop existing and there would be nothing left of me at all.
The expressions of love that have been flowing towards me since I made the decision to follow Spirit’s guidance, and let Him take me to Hawaii to join the community at the Extension Center, have been absolutely tremendous. It’s just coming in from all sides, all angles, up, down, left, right…. everywhere. As I share with patients at the chiropractor I work at what I will be doing, where I will be going, all reactions have been of love. Yes, there have been expressions of “Aw, I’ll miss you!” and “Aw, you’re leaving us!” but even underneath those words is the feeling of huge love! All they are saying to me is “We love you so incredibly much!”
And my family has just done the same thing, reflected the same thing. And yes, once again, there seem to have been mixed feelings… total acceptance, and intense fear and anxiety, but underneath is just this tremendous, ever present, totally unconditional love. Even though my family doesn’t completely understand what I am doing, and why, they are just supporting my every move and decision. It’s totally crazy! And yet, really, should I have expected anything but that?! Part of me did expect the entirely opposite to happen, I even thought they’d declare me insane! But no… there is just nothing but love.
And I still feel unworthy of it.
But these few weeks since the decision to join in the ACIM community, it’s been continuously shown to me that the world just loves it when you follow Spirit. Miracles just flowed in from everywhere once I made the decision to follow, and realize who I really am.
So, thank you! All of you! I cannot express all the love I feel for all of you! Deep gratitude is flowing out, for the lessons you’ve been passing along to me ever so gently. Some I’ve met with openness and acceptance, and others are still waiting for me to receive. But I know, that those I have rejected and met with resistance so far, are not lost and Spirit is storing them for me for when I am ready to learn them and fall into love more deeply and fully.
This journey is one of total love, even though sometimes it seems like the complete opposite.
I thank you God!