Oct 19 2013
‘A ‘ohe hana nui ke alu ‘ia – No task is too big when done together by all.
I “stumbled” over this quote today, and it just strikes me as incredibly powerful and true, and so relevant to what we are doing here, what I am doing here. So relevant to my purpose.
The fears about leaving my “old life” behind seem to be in a constant ebb and flow, coming and going. The flow is increasingly diminishing and for the first time in my life, I feel that I am doing something because I really want to, not because I want to run away from something. I came to the U.S. in 2005 and stayed here as a way to run from issues I felt with my family that I didn’t want to deal with, or heal. I got married for that very reason, so I wouldn’t have to go back to my parents. I’ve run away into relationships so many times, because I felt a lack – a call for healing that I didn’t want to answer. Relationships always seemed like the perfect way to distract from that. A total hypnosis into believing that I am actually happy and content, when in reality the same issues lay within me, but now under a thick covering of the illusion of love.
So, here I am in Hawaii now. I didn’t come here to run away from my issues. I actually came here to face them! Face them and give them a really good questioning. Sometimes it feels like I am putting the ego into an interrogation room – asking questions to figure out if what it is telling me is actually the Truth, or not. It’s like I am putting it under a microscope, dissecting it slowly with the Holy Spirit as the scalpel of Light that shines away all the impurities. Sometimes Spirit holds up a layer that I feel very identified with, but He feels that I am ready to see that this layer isn’t, in fact, who and what I am. So He holds it up and puts it in front of the Light. What am I holding onto? Is this a piece of Truth? Does it hold up? Or is it easily dissolved? Is its foundation easily seen as non-existent? If it is so, then my only Real choice is to take this layer and give it up. For if I keep it, I choose death. I choose dis-ease, unhappiness, fear and despair. Even giving it up seems to feel as if my heart is being torn from my very being, but I can see now that it is but the attachment, this hook of fear, that is being gently removed so I can be free from it, and be free to be Who I Am in Truth.
It reminds me of the scene in the movie “Spirited Away” when the main character, Chihiro, has a supposed “Stink God” come to the bath house, and a “No-face,” which is a kind of spirit, is giving her all of these different, really potent and powerful bath tokens, so she can bathe this Stink God as best as possible. She doesn’t ask for these bath tokens, and really she doesn’t know what she is supposed to do, and she doesn’t want to accept the tokens, but the No-face leaves them for her anyway. She feels overwhelmed with the stench and dirt of this God, but she keeps on filling the bath tub for him, adding cleansing herbs and oils to the water through the bath tokens. Slowly, with this purifying water the God gets cleaned, layer by layer, and Chihiro falls into the tub with him. She is scared. He holds her and shows her a spot where some kind of sharp thorn is stuck in him. Chihiro feels it, and calls for help, knowing inherently that she must help this Being. She pulls on the thorn and slips. One helper comes and ties a rope around the thorn to pull it out but the two of them aren’t strong enough to do it. Then the entire bath house staff, including the owner, pull on this rope and with a “pop” out comes the thorn, attached to which is a whole heap of trash – an old bicycle, pieces of metal, old wood… just trash, all encased in mud and dirt. Finally freed from these things, this God truly emerges as Himself: an enormous, beautiful, shining, laughing Being!
Just one thorn was the issue! Once that was seen as the issue, and removed, all other seeming issues fell away with that! There is but one problem and one solution. I need help from my Brothers to see and apply the one solution – Forgiveness. And I must show my Brothers my one problem – separation – which seems to come in many different forms.
It’s okay! It’s okay to bring all false beliefs to the light. There is nothing to fear. No task is too big when done together by all. I want to accept all the help that is given me here, in the form of this house and the people living in it with me.
Because, in the end, what I want is for the true Joy, which I Am, to emerge and break through all my fears! I know it is there, I can feel it everyday! It feels like something immense is pushing up and coming ever closer into my awareness. And still fear is keeping it suppressed – fear to let go into the unknown, fear to be completely open, fear to be Myself. But I see these fears now; I watch them and I can examine them. Sometimes I come to the conclusion that the fear is very silly and unnecessary indeed, and that feels beautiful and I laugh just like that beautiful Being in the movie, once freed from all that kept it stuck and hidden in darkness.
And I just keep on going forward.
What a great journey!
In deep reverence of this process,