Jan 28 2014
Yesterday I upset myself by putting meaning on a communication event I had with a brother.
Right off, this thought raises a lot of questions. Why am I putting my mind in the past? Who is the “I” (i) who upset himself? Do I really know what occurred in the “communication event”? What meaning did I give it? ACIM has lots to say: “I have given everything I see all the meaning it has for me.” “Judge not.” “Do not see error.” I must have seen error (bad Andy).
Little “i” likes to blame himself, because “Anger always involves projection of separation, which must ultimately be accepted as one’s own responsibility, rather than being blamed on others.” And what I should have done: If I feel the faintest hint of irritation, I should instantly realize that I made an interpretation that is not true, then turn within to my eternal Guide, and let Him judge what my response should be. Yeah, great. But actually trying to do it right didn’t work for me in the moment.
The “beyond-the-physical” stuff is good, but it is also more stuff in the mind I get hung about. More yada, yada and second guessing in my mind that I can use to gloss over upsets or turn them against myself.
What really happened was that I got upset and blew right by any counsel from Jesus, because I saw manipulation and control! There (I thought) it was, in an email, right in my face! Oh, how I was attracted to it! I wanted to pinpoint the error and blame the other person! My messengers of fear were all over it.
So I took it to expression session. I started talking ego and by the end I was talking Holy Spirit. Halleluiah! The main thing is that in the expression session I was in the moment and I just said what I felt without censoring myself. The crapola part of it blew away and I saw more clearly. Old thoughts and beliefs came up and got stripped.
And then I heard a fantastic Spreaker, “Everything is Involuntary,” in which Kirsten and Frances said that the script is written, done, over. Everything has been planned by One who loves us. Yes, we feel some instability during our transformation.
The prayer of the heart is to experience that everything is involuntary. Because there’s no other possible way I could play it out, there can be no error! Rather than think of guidance as what to do in form, I can simply let go of what I think is best for me and yield my mind to a Higher Power. I can let go of analyzing ego patterns. Now I just want to be seen for who I am. I share the Christ mind, seeing beyond error. I experience it by giving this away, by praying to see the involuntary nature of my brothers. Help me see all my brothers as the Christ and not the ego. My decision of how I want to see them determines the message I receive from them.
Rather than trying to “get it right,” each moment I can let go of everything that is in my mind, all my past grievances and live in that freshness, being told by the Spirit moment by moment, trusting it. Frances said “My mind is not my area! I am not here to correct my mind anymore. The “I” who wants to be right-minded and heal itself needs to go, because the “I” can’t do anything about it.”
Wow! I love that! I’m free! I’m innocent! Thank you Spirit for this Guidance.