Jun 15 2013
Leading up to the movie retreat was an intense time, both in the mind and working with the coffee cart for Peter and I. I could feel the perfection of the timing of the retreat but was also aware of a deep, lurking fear of ‘what next?’ What will Hawaii bring? Will I be abandoned by my Devoted Companion who works with me and shares a house, and who most importantly, represents my desire to put Spirit first in all I do…and yet I still think I know and I can control what brings me safety in this world! This safety was so precarious as it was about to be exposed…I was about to be exposed…that nothing I do in the world is enough for anyone.
Well, Hawaii came in to answer a call from my heart. I wanted to know that I am part of it All. I had to look at where I think my safety lies. Where I put my faith. How I think I’m loved. Am I even deserving of love? I had to look very deeply within and it wasn’t nice…such old, protected beliefs of littleness, hatred, of needing to control things and mask feelings. It had to pop and it did! I couldn’t deny the call that is ever constant in my heart. I am One with God and that this doesn’t depend on anything in the world except my full willingness to say Yes to Spirits gentle prompts.
So, it seems I have returned, by myself, to Australia to continue living, working and joining as Spirit would have me do. Pete will stay in Hawaii, and I don’t feel abandoned….I feel free! I feel such a freedom in my heart of ‘whats next?’ It has been reinterpreted that Spirit and I take these step together and go Home together. I watch the fear rise up in some moments but it comes when my mind is trying to work out something in the future. I can only find peace in this present moment, and this present moment finds my heart very quietly joyful. Thank you Spirit, thank you devoted friends, there is a Light that wants to Shine in us and I say Yes!
Much love to you and all at the Extension Center,