January 2014

Yesterday I upset myself by putting meaning on a communication event I had with a brother.

Right off, this thought raises a lot of questions. Why am I putting my mind in the past? Who is the “I” (i) who upset himself? Do I really know what occurred in the “communication event”? What meaning did I give it? ACIM has lots to say: “I have given everything I see all the meaning it has for me.” “Judge not.” “Do not see error.” I must have seen error (bad Andy).

Little “i” likes to blame himself, because “Anger always involves projection of separation, which must ultimately be accepted as one’s own responsibility, rather than being blamed on others.” And what I should have done: If I feel the faintest hint of irritation, I should instantly realize that I made an interpretation that is not true, then turn within to my eternal Guide, and let Him judge what my response should be. Yeah, great. But actually trying to do it right didn’t work for me in the moment.

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Something soft and very nurturing is happening for me right now.

It has felt like there was a period of stirring going on; quite disorientating and part of my mind wanted to judge the experience and tell me that I should do something about intense, ambiguous and very present feelings. Well, I am finding that what I need to do is absolutely nothing. I just let them be. It’s all about not escaping them, because there simply is nothing wrong with any of them! The only discomfort I feel is when I identify with those thoughts and make up a whole story around them – even when I feel feelings such as fear, pain, despair, sorrow and so on, they are not at all uncomfortable in and of themselves!! It’s just the story and the hanging onto them that creates the discomfort!!!

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The smell of freshly mowed grass in the middle of January is a new experience for me. It’s wafting through the windows of the Extension Center like the present memory of God. The Course says that Spirit can use our memory to forget the past and to remember God. So fresh and new. Unexpectedly delightful in every moment. To witness the faces of my Brothers lighting up in happiness and joy and to know they are simply a reflection of my own awakening state of mind. This path of remembrance of God is nothing like I ever imagined, and I’m grateful for that.

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Words of Gratitude from the NOW Year Retreat:

“The retreat for me was about being shown and experiencing the always-present, always-available Now Moment. It takes but one Instant to drop it all… the story, the situation, the blame, the past and future… and rest in the Stillness, in the vast space of total Presence. It was a treat to be immersed in and be witness to healing-in-action with other dedicated brothers and sisters. “Personally” for me, I felt supported and loved and was happy to share healing with everyOne. I am so grateful.” ~ Annalisa

“The NOW Year Retreat was simply about simplicity. Simple daily meals, sinking into the silence, sharing from the soul and seeing that in this moment there is nothing that needs to be changed, fixed or figured out. Everything we need for our healing is right here, right now. What am I feeling? Get in touch with that, feel it fully, wait for it to dissipate. No need to uphold an old story about why I feel such and such, or to get hung up about why I’m not happier, more spiritual, or further along.” ~ Laverne

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