November 2013

In my second month at the Extension Center Hawaii now it’s becoming clearer in mind, that it I must play my part. No one else can play it for me.

The Atonement, the waking from the dream to Who I Am, is composed in such a way that it only works when we all play the part that is Given to us by the Holy Spirit. And by it working, I mean that the result is my experience of joy, peace and happiness. I tend to think that, when I feel to say something, or do something, or not say something or not do something, it isn’t necessary for me to act on those feelings; tend to think that I can just watch everything unfold, just let the script unfold itself without me having to take part in it, without me doing anything; I tend to think that, whatever I feel to say/ not say, do/ not do, will be felt by someone else too and they will take care of it. What I really feel now though is, that when I do that, inside, I feel really… repressed, and not at all at peace, or joyful and happy. It feels like it is just another way for me to make myself the victim. Because in this way, first of all I can’t do anything wrong – since I am not even participating – and secondly, if something doesn’t turn out the way I hoped, then I can blame someone else. Then I can say See, this happened because YOU did this, or didn’t do this! Pretty clever! That is a way of thinking that I’ve been keeping hidden from my awareness for, probably, my entire life. There’s always been a fear of doing something wrong, so what do I do? I don’t even try!

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